Die an Early Death...

"If I could start again...a million miles away,
I would keep myself - I would find a way..."

Anyone who reads this blog is probably SICK to DEATH of my bi-polar rants, but tough shite! I could remain emo quietly behind the scenes, but why would I want to do that when I can spout off online and broadcast my tortured soul to the universe? Not that anyone truly cares...but at least I can unload my troubled thoughts in the desperate hope that Trent Reznor will read my posts and send me a private message...You know, something like this: "I have searched the entire world during my last few years of touring, hoping to find that special young lady who complements my darkest self...I would have never imagined that I would find her through her online blog...You are truly magnificent... Bagheera, you complete me..."
Anyway, insomnia is going.to.freaking.kill.me. I haven't had a good night's sleep in...5 years? I have had maybe 3 good solid hours of sleep in 3 nights, and today I crashed. Again. Is there an end to this? I haven't found a doctor who can help me yet...I feel like a walking lab rat - my body chemistry composed of lithium & blood & water & anti-depressants & sleep-aids. I don't think the Red Cross would even consider taking my blood, unless a bleeding-out accident victim was also insane in the membrane.
I can only hope for some kind of miraculous relief, whether it's in the form of some miracle krazee-cure or an early death. Who knows?

XXXOOO,
Bagheera